If you’ve been following along, you’ll recall that I’m a fan
of the Big Bang Theory. I love Sheldon. I’m starting to think the reason that I
love Sheldon is because I am Sheldon. At least from the moment I enter an
airport ‘til the moment I leave the airport at the other end, I become Sheldon
Cooper. You know I’m a bit of a diva, and you know I don’t like it when people
approach me or talk to me, and I would never think to start up a conversation
with someone on the plane, but something happened today that had Dr. Sheldon
Cooper written all over it.
If you’re also a fan of the Big Bang Theory you’ll
understand what I’m about to share. If you’re not, you may as well shut it down
now. Take a second to click on this link to put the rest of this story into
context.
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| Sheldon has a spot. I have a spot. |
So now you see where this is going. I have a seat. It’s
where I like to sit. If I’m lucky enough to get upgraded to Business Class,
that seat is 1D. I pick it every time. I like it a lot. For today’s flight, I
picked that seat. Yesterday. I’m quite deliberate about it. It’s the first seat
on the plane. It’s on the aisle. It has lots of legroom. You get served first
by the flight attendant, and you are close enough to the galley and the flight
deck to hear the real reasons for delays or diversions. It also offers easy
access to the lavatory. To me, it’s the best seat on the plane. They say that
in the event of a crash, it’s better to be at the back of the plane, but that
seat is so good, I risk it. Every time.
I’ve said before that I do everything I possibly can to be
the first one on-board the plane. There’s a method to my madness. If I’m there
first, I get my crap into the overhead bin before anyone else. I can sit down
and get myself situated before my seatmate arrives, and I can get my headphones
in to discourage any and all attempts at conversation. Today things went
horribly wrong at the airport.
First, the plane was late which on its own shouldn’t cause a
great deal of concern. For some reason all the flights were overbooked, and
people were jockeying for all available standby seats. People get a little
antsy when they’re trying to get on a plane and they can’t. I was standing
beside a man who, with every minute of delay, got sweatier and sweatier. Another
man pushed his way up to the desk and announced that he wasn’t moving until he
got satisfaction. I don’t know what his issue was but I kept hearing him say
‘unethical’. Because of him, the agent got way behind on the flight, and when
it was time to board, another agent had to do the boarding and I was stuck on
the wrong side of the line, and thus, missed my opportunity to board first.
So I was about the 5th passenger to board the
plane. I was ahead of Mr. Sweaty, and definitely ahead of Mr. Unethical, who had
put down roots at the desk. But I was far behind Ms. Bitchy and her traveling
companion, Mr. Greasy Hair. When I got on the plane, Ms. Bitchy was in my seat.
I just kind of stopped in my tracks…a bit dazed and confused. When I informed
her that she was in my seat, from behind her C-list aging Hollywood starlet sunglasses
she said, “Ya, you can have my seat.”
But that’s not my seat. I had the best seat. 1D. I angle for that seat.
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| Take my seat, will ya? |
“And what seat is that?” I asked. 3F she informed me. 3F? There are so many things wrong with that
answer. First, it’s not 1D. Second, it’s a window, not an aisle. I don’t have a
particular issue with looking out the window, but since I turned 40, I pee more
often, and as a result, I occasionally visit the washroom during the flight. If
I’m on the aisle, I don’t have to bother anyone. 3F also has less legroom. And
I don’t like to be blocked in. I’m not claustrophobic, it’s a preference.
Because, while I am definitely a bit of a flying diva, I
also have a massive aversion to making a scene, I grunted at her, gave her the
look, and went to seat 3F. It’s kind of prissy to get upgraded, sit in business
class, then make a scene because you didn’t get your favourite seat. I’ve seen
people do it, and I’m just not that guy. I’m the kind of guy that will sit and
stew. When I'm lucky enough to get upgraded, I'm sure as hell not gonna make a scene. I’m not sure how he knew about it but the flight attendant thanked me
twice during the flight for moving for them.
If you sit in 1D you are absolutely, without question, the
first one off the plane. There is nothing and nobody standing in your way. If I
am in the window seat, the speed of my exit is absolutely determined by whoever
is sitting on the aisle. I’ve had too many experiences where that person has
decided to let half the passengers deplane before they get up, and today was no
different. I was stuck sitting while everyone else was halfway to the parking
lot. Argh.
I know how crazy this all sounds. I really do. But like
Sheldon, I have a seat, and I know exactly why I want it. I want it because
it’s the best.
PS...I'm just the same when I don't get upgraded. Then my seat is the exit row aisle. Don't make me fight you.
